Sands of time

TIME IS TICKING.....
IT' ALMOST DONE
BUT IT ALSO HASN'T EVEN BEGUN YET

Ugg (the feeling not the boot)

One of the worst feelings in the world. Is the feeling of nothingness. Especially when a kiss feels like nothing. The other night, I kissed a guy who I have been on and off talking to for about 7 years. But we never made it serious or exclusive. We have kissed before, but this time I realized that he meant absolutely nothing to me. There were no sparks. No passion. No shivers up my spine. And I could not stop thinking. Now I am, no Aphrodite, but I do not think that anyone should be be thinking while they are kissing. All, I could think about was why am I even here. So, I stopped called a cab and left.
What happened to passion? The last time I had a real, make my knees weak, firecrackers bursting in the air and each kiss made me breathless was with my heartbreaker, who I shall rename John Tucker. Every other kiss that I have had after him have been meaningless. And what happened to just making out and being satisfied by waiting for more. I am horrified to even kiss someone because I feel that they are just going to think its the first step to fucking. And its not.

WILL YOU...

MARRY ME?

ummm yea, I was proposed to today.

I have one question...

for you.
Take your time. How you answer me is how you answer yourself.

Even with all the women, I bet you are still lonely.
Aren't you?

NOVEMBER 24

I just realized that today has made a year, since I have not been with you.

You want to know something, I miss US. And who we were with each other. The good times and the bad times. But I don't miss you. Because I don't know you anymore. And I haven't liked you in a long time.

AA?

On, a more serious note. I think that I may have a serious problem. I abuse alcohol. This past weekend, I got really drunk and I blacked out. I do not remember half of the night. This is not the first time that this happened to me. I tried to stop int he past. I did for a couple of weeks at a time. The longest was a couple of months, and that was only because my "heartbreaker" hated it when I drank. And he satisfied me more then the alcohol. But he is not a part of my life anymore and I began to drink again. But, I have become to hate myself. And hate who I become when I drink even though half the time I don't remember anything. I really want to stop drinking but I'm afraid that I am going to be tempted to once again. Especially with the holidays right around the corner. My whole family drinks, and in order for me to be around them while they are drinking, I am going to want to drink. And then when I go back to school, on the weekends in order for me to even go to any event on campus, I have to be drunk to even enjoy it. I really don't want to continue drinking, Even though I don't drink everyday, every weekend when I drink I get worse and worse. And it scares me. But I don't know who to talk to. And I am embarrassed.

Library Confessions

I am supposed to be writing a paper. I can't focus because I am doing what college students do best. PROCRASTINATE. So, I am on facebook. Since I have not logged on to facebook all weekend, I thought I would catch up. On my mini feed it said "7 of your friends have been tagged in the album". And guess who's album there were tagged in.... "the heartbreaker". So I was curious, and I decided to look through the album. And I look up and there he is "the heartbreaker" walking. My heart begins to race and I close the page before he gets to me. He walked the long way around the library, just he could pass by me. I know this for a fact because I am sitting all the way in the back, alone in a little corner. He comes up to me, kisses his fingers and then he puts his fingers on his cheek. I just shake my head. Inside, I am dying of relief, happy that he did not see me viewing his album.

I decided

That I am not that evil and I'm going to leave the poor girl alone.
I really don't care what any of them do.

It's been awhile...

I haven't been able to keep up with my thoughts long enough to write them down.
So I am going to try this...
All of these words represent my thoughts

happy
confused
friendship
place
jealous
love
lonliness
horny
tired...
but awake
I miss you

Dear, Diary

I think that I am pure evil. Well maybe not pure evil just like 40%. Even though, I am over he who shall not be named, his little play thing makes me sick. She swears that she is more then his current toy at the moment, and she talks about me, belittling my past relationship with her "boo". As if! Now I must admit that once upon time ago. I was a tad bit jealous of the relationship that I thought those two shared. It looked picture perfect, but what doesn't look that way on facebook? The worst thing to happen to her, was for me to find out what he does to her, how he treats her and most of all... have him prove to me that he misses me.
Now where does the evil part come in, you ask? Well I want to prove to her that she is not to him what she thinks she is. I want to prove that he only keeps her around because of his own boredom and she is the only one who does any and everything he asks of her. Without the slightest inkling to do the same for her.

Let the games begin.

P.S.

SODA MAKES MY NOSE FIZZLE

SODA GIVES ME THE GIGGLES

HEHEHEHEHE

Can you tell that I am in a good mood?

To You From Me

He loves me,

He loves me not,

Whether he does or doesn't, have or had... Today he made me realize that I just don't care anymore. I don't need him and I am no longer obsessed with the pain.

Thank You Heartbreaker

Unexpected Pleasure

(I'll keep you my dirty little secret)

When does the healing start?

Jill Scott is better then me at this:

I can't hold it in forever
Eventually I'd have to breathe
Done hid a lot behind the light, behind the wall
Now it's crushin in on meHow did I let it get this far?
How did I make this wrong turn?
How do I change a thing I've done?
Only one lesson learned
I can't pretend this hurts
Deeper than I imagined
What I did to a friend
I can't take it back in
How could I do a thing like that?
Where was my conscience at?[Somebody tell me](Tell me..)
In pain I really played my part[I know I did]
Now tell me where the healing starts[Ohhh]

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL

No person thinks there is much ado about nothing when that ado is about themselves.

A+

I received my midterm that I took last week, A+. I needed that, maybe that will be the motivation that I need... so I can actually get my other work done.